We’ll Never Get Out of This Weekend Writing Warriors

WeWriWa buttonHere’s the link to the Weekend Writing Warriors central page, so you can visit all the participants sharing excerpts today…A fun way to sample new books and find new writers!

We’re onto a new story of mine, a WIP that still needs a lot of work. Mark, an ex-Special Forces soldier in the Sectors, has been hired by the Outlier Empress to rescue a kidnap victim who’s been taken to the border planet Freemarket, where anything goes and the authorities are usually hands off. Kind of like Las Vegas…he’s broken into the house of  Barent Kliin, the kidnapper, persuaded Alessandra to go with him and fled in a stolen car, pursued by the bad guys and the planetary police. They collided with a cargo hauler…Mark knocked the driver out and assisted Alessandra from their wrecked vehicle, after which the couple flee into the crowded marketplace…(Creative punctuation has occurred):

“The locals don’t know who the seven hells we are, but being on the run is enough to get us help, like I hoped.” Mark dodged a refreshment cart and cut through an open air dining area. He stopped for a moment next to the food services, so Sandy could catch her breath while they were surrounded by a milling crowd of customers.

She straightened, adjusting the bag’s strap on her shoulder. “There’s another cop.”

“And he’s got friends – Kliin’s mercenaries.”

 Mark drew her behind the line of cooks at the nearest open air grill, where they crouched among the  bins and barrels of foodstuffs as the Kliin guards ran past, accompanied by three policemen.

 “We’ll never get out of this,” she said, breath catching on a sob.

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26 comments on “We’ll Never Get Out of This Weekend Writing Warriors

  1. I swear, I’m always holding my breath while reading your snippets. Can’t imagine why. 🙂 It doesn’t look promising right now, but I have every faith you can adventure them out of this tight spot- and the next one!

  2. Reading this snippet, I picture TV’s popular Homeland as Carrie races away from bad guys always. Wonderful set-up and action. You could write inter-galactic screenplays. And you appear to be a mild mannered woman with a sweet smile. Who knows what evil lurks behind the surface.

  3. I’m with Christina;). Every time I read your snippet I’m never sure they’ll make it or not;). Another strong excerpt filled with tension. At the moment I honestly don’t know how they’ll make it out of that market.

  4. I love the swirling chaos of the marketplace. I can see why Sandy’s feeling trapped, but I’m pretty confidant Mark has a few more moves up his sleeve. Wether they work or not is another question!

  5. I like the tension and the pace, but on the other hand, I want to slow down a bit and be shown a few more things. How are they getting help? Where is the cop and his friends? Are they moving fast or scanning the crowd?

    You did a good job of conveying the stress of the situation and the parts of the setting that hide the protagonist. I’d also like to stare the danger in the face. 😉

    The last line show her character and also reinforces the tension. Overall, well done!

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