Searching For Us? Weekend Writing Warriors

WeWriWa buttonHere’s the link to the Weekend Writing Warriors central page, so you can visit all the participants sharing excerpts today…A fun way to sample new books and find new writers!

We’re onto a new story of mine, a WIP that still needs a lot of work. Mark, an ex-Special Forces soldier in the Sectors, has been hired by the Outlier Empress to rescue a kidnap victim who’s been taken to the border planet Freemarket, where anything goes and the authorities are usually hands off. Kind of like Las Vegas…he’s broken into the kidnapper’s house, persuaded Alessandra to go with him and fled in a stolen car, pursued by the bad guys and the planetary police. They collided with a cargo hauler…Mark knocked the driver out and assisted Alessandra from their wrecked vehicle, after which the couple flee into the crowded marketplace… I skipped a bit of description. (Creative punctuation has occurred):

As they ducked under a row of baskets to cut into the next aisle, Mark stopped Sandy before she could take another step, “Cop.”

The local policeman was busy talking into a com while he kept up an unblinking surveillance of the marketplace.

“Searching for us?”  she asked, bending over to rub her bruised ankle.

“Probably – and now he’s seen us.” Taking her elbow, Mark pulled her across the narrow space and into the next shop. 

They ran past the vendor and his wide-eyed customers, out the rear door, Their pursuer shouted at them to stop. People flowed into the aisle behind them, blocking the lawman’s progress.

I’ll keep going with this sequence for a few more weeks. You may be surprised how it ends…I know Mark and Sandy are!

heart of rose nebula

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29 comments on “Searching For Us? Weekend Writing Warriors

  1. Well, it seems like their plan is working so far. Good luck to them!

    A small thing that always bothers me–people can’t really be unblinking for any length of time, unless you alter their biology.

  2. I loved the suspense of if the cop would notice them or not. Great realistic dialogue and I like how you show body language. The only suggestion: consider showing her facial expression when she asks “Searching for us?” to show if she’s scared, cocky they won’t get caught, etc.

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

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