Maybe We Can Lose Them for Weekend Writing Warriors

WeWriWa buttonHere’s the link to the Weekend Writing Warriors central page, so you can visit all the participants sharing excerpts today…A fun way to sample new books and find new writers!

We’re onto a new story of mine, a WIP that still needs a lot of work. Mark, an ex-Special Forces soldier in the Sectors, has been hired by the Outlier Empress to rescue a kidnap victim who’s been taken to the border planet Freemarket, where anything goes and the authorities are usually hands off. Kind of like Las Vegas…he’s broken into the kidnapper’s house, persuaded Alessandra to go with him and now they’re fleeing in a stolen car, pursued by the bad guys (Kliin is the leader) and the planetary police. Last week they collided with a cargo hauler…Mark knocks the driver out and assists Alessandra from their wrecked vehicle…

            “Now what?” Leaning on the car as he salvaged his kitbag, she scanned their surroundings for an escape route.

            He took her by the elbow. “The independent vendors’ marketplace is this way –  we can try to lose Barent and the local boys he’s hired in there. It’s a maze. The vendors don’t like cops, which might work in our favor.”

They ran down the alley away from the wrecked car and the cargo hauler. 

He glanced back and then ducked under the nearest display, drawing Sandy after him, seeking a shortcut deeper into the convoluted arrangement of stalls.

I might try to get this finished in 2015. I’ll probably do a few weeks of excerpts from this scene, see what you all think…thanks for all the comments on last week’s snippet! and Happy New Year to all, hope 2015 is going well for you so far!

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30 comments on “Maybe We Can Lose Them for Weekend Writing Warriors

  1. A getaway that didn’t work too well, but the chase is continuing. I like this snippet, can’t help but wonder how far they will get.

  2. Happy New Year! Another great snippet. Love the movement and how natural this reads. I can already tell this is an interesting world, and I like the subtle world-building through dialogue. Great writing 🙂

  3. Thanks for all the comments and positive feedback! Hopefully I can get it into shape for publication in 2015. Oh, right, in the earlier part of the book that I didn’t excerpt, it was established that Mark was the only person who ever called her Sandy.The nickname is a little Easter egg to myself and plays into a plot arc that emerges later. I’ll keep going with the marketplace escape for a bit….I’m going to be very late getting to all the excerpts this week but I WILL make it, promise. Love reading all the sparkling “bits”!

  4. Nice chase scene! Very intriguing ideas! One small suggestion: there are several sentences in this excerpt that have tons of clauses, making them long and sometimes bulky. For instance: “Leaning on the car as he salvaged his kitbag, she scanned their surroundings for an escape route.” I can’t tell who is doing the leaning on the car, him or her, because of the placement of the clauses. I struggle with the same problem, so I’ve tried to make sure when in an action type scene to cut my sentences shorter. It helps speed the flow of reading and makes it just that much more exciting.

    Great start! Can’t wait to see it finished! 🙂

  5. Characters on the run from cops. Sounds suspenseful! You’re really good with showing body language with conversations so readers get the full picture.

    What’s a kitbag?

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

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