A fun way to sample new books and find new writers! Here’s the link to the Weekend Writing Warriors central page, so you can visit all the participants sharing excerpts today…
The luxury ship Nebula Dream has suffered a middle of the night catastrophe in space. My hero, Nick Jameson, has fought his way to the nearest lifeboat and found chaos. Some creative editing and punctuation has occurred. As he’s just about finished loading the lifeboat, businesswoman Mara Lyrae arrives, much to his relief. But she refuses to get on the lifeboat, as there are children in need of rescuing…after a brief argument, Nick sends the lifeboat on its way. He and Mara set out to rescue the children, accompanied by Khevan, a D’nvannae Brother (think bodyguard/assassin sworn to serve an alien goddess).
This snippet is after they’ve reached the family’s cabin and discovered a growing hull breach. Nick and Khevan have cleared a tunnel through the debris trapping the children, and Nick has crawled through. When he gets to the tight space that comprises what’s left of the bedroom, the bulkhead is plainly about to give way soon. I’ve done very creative punctuation and some editing:
Not much time before the hull goes and we go with it. Sweeping the pale light over the room, he found the children huddled together against one overturned bed. “Hi, remember me? I’m Nick – I was on the shuttle with you guys a few days ago.”
Paolo nodded in the gloom, rising and dragging his sister with him, chubby hand clamped around her wrist. She eyed Nick dubiously, left thumb firmly planted in her mouth, the other hand clutching the big teddy bear.
“Okay, Paolo, you seem like a pretty level-headed trooper,” Nick said, squatting to be at eye level with the boy, “We need to get out of here as fast as possible – you see the outer wall there?”
Paolo nodded, “It’s going to break, isn’t it?”
The Story
Traveling unexpectedly aboard the luxury liner Nebula Dream on its maiden voyage across the galaxy, Sectors Special Forces Captain Nick Jameson is ready for ten relaxing days, and hoping to forget his last disastrous mission behind enemy lines. He figures he’ll gamble at the casino, take in the shows, maybe even have a shipboard fling with Mara Lyrae, the beautiful but reserved businesswoman he meets.
All his plans vaporize when the ship suffers a wreck of Titanic proportions. Captain and crew abandon ship, leaving the 8000 passengers stranded without enough lifeboats and drifting unarmed in enemy territory. Aided by Mara, Nick must find a way off the doomed ship for himself and several other innocent people before deadly enemy forces reach them or the ship’s malfunctioning engines finish ticking down to self destruction.
But can Nick conquer the demons from his past that tell him he’ll fail these innocent people just as he failed to save his Special Forces team? Will he outpace his own doubts to win this vital race against time?
Oh my, this sounds very edge-of-the-seat tense, Well done snippet. The young boy seems very mature and yet still scared. Great 8.
Smart little kid. You sure put your characters through the paces!
In other words-let’s get the hell out of here! You’ve got me on the edge of seat again. Happy Ending ahead but before-let’s scramble. Terrific eight.
Great tension and detail!
My first thought: “No, no, no, move, move, MOVE!!”
My second: “And take the teddy bear with you!”
Excellent scene, Veronica, as always! 😀
Well painted scene, they’re going to have to trust him and move quickly!
This is a tense scene. I hope that wall doesn’t break.
Straight to the action! Now I want to know what happens next.
This is a great story. So many edge-of-your-seat moments in the whole book. What I like about Nick is that he never comes off as a pompous ass 🙂
Thanks! Nick is one of my favorites…..I’m so pleased you liked him 🙂
Wow! This is not my normal genre at all, but you grabbed my attention right away. Your descriptions are fantastic! I’m definitely looking forward to reading more snippets. Fantastic 8!
Liked, Tweeted, and G+’d.
I love how calm and reassuring Nick is with the kids. You can tell what a good guy he truly is in this scene. Well done!
Every crisis manager should be so calm. Nick is wonderful!
Nick is a great character- love how he takes the time to explain things to the boy. Adds to the tension as well. Very nicely done.
Ah, my weakness: men who know how to talk to a child! Love how you just keep ramping up the tension!
So much conveyed about character and the danger looming in so few lines. As always, I love your writing. Amazing snippet!
Oh no, the walls going to break? How intense! I love it!
Love it! Especially about him squatting to be at their level. Such a brave big brother!
Thanks for the comments, so glad everyone is enjoying the snippets from this book! I’m making good progress on my next ancient Egyptian so maybe after we finish this scene from WRECK I’ll have something new to offer.
Loved this scene in the book–but isn’t he already at their level if he’s crawling?
Good memory, SueAnn! Here are the lines right before where this snippet begins:
“He shoved his way into the darkness of the children’s bedroom, pushing the hand lamp in front of him, trying not to think about all the hundreds of tons of debris piled above him. Standing up as soon as he cleared the threshold, lamp in hand, Nick faced a tangled mess, hardly recognizable as a bedroom.”
So there was a moment he stood up, to assess the room….
Oh God, can you say intense? I hope he gets them out there and fast!!
Great how the character stays calm while in the face of intense danger. Now – please 0get the kids out of there!!!!!!!
The kids were troopers and so was he.
Wow, racking up the tension. I’m on the edge of my seat to see if everyone makes it out! Great snippet.
That’s smart of him–He’d have a lot of work rescuing the kids if they’re fighting him. Better if he can get them on his side. That being said, he’d better do it quickly!
I love this book, Veronica! 🙂 I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a scifi adventure/suspense. 🙂
Nick – born leader with a big heart. As a reader I have total faith in him.
I had a little squee over Nick….sigh
awww… I just love a man that’s good with kids!
Interesting snippet!
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
whoa talk about electrifying!!! uh oh is it going to capsize ? those poor kids!! they must be in shock at what’s happening! awesome snippet!
This is a very intense scene you have been going with over the last few weeks. Lordy, I can so see this like in a movie. Excellent 8!
History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders
Nick is such a wonderful hero, talking to the children in a way they’ll understand and that won’t make them panic even further.