A few more excerpts from my one and only shifter novel (so far, not counting “Priestess of the Nile” where the Crocodile God shifts)…Kyle is a leopard shifter and Caitlyn is the mysterious girl-with-a-secret who infiltrated the Witch Queen’s castle with his impulsive help. Last week she was summoned to participate in a magical ceremony, at which the Queen drew upon Kyle’s powers to augment her own. Angry at the way he was being treated, Caitlyn helps him survive the spell casting but is nearly banished as a result. He seeks her out a few days later.
Kyle is speaking as the snippet starts.
“You, Caitlyn of Ordlathas, are a mystery and I’m intrigued. You come from a territory that never sends apprentices to the Witch Queen. You claim to desire a place here so desperately, yet you didn’t get upset when they dropped you from the training after the incident last week. You have your own magic – I see the spirals of it with the leopard’s eyes – green, lavender, pure, with no taint of Shadow. You can learn nothing from them – I suspect they could learn from you if their minds weren’t so closed against the existence of any power but their own. So why are you here?”
“Are you finished?” She jerked her arm free from his loose clasp.
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I love the contrast here. Such eloquent, intuitive words from him, then she’s all, rawhr. LOVE that!
Makes me wonder about who or what the Witch Queen is. For some reason that made me think of the White Queen in Narnia? Haha.
Love this: ” I see the spirals of it with the leopard’s eyes – green, lavender, pure, with no taint of Shadow.” It makes me see a different idea of what pure can be. Usually when I think of purity I think of white. I blame society for that and it’s ideals of white dresses, the color of virgins. Haha. 🙂 Thanks for giving me a different idea of what purity can be, color-wise.
One question though, are the eyes switching from green to lavender and then back again? Are they half green half Lavender? Is it one of those cases where there’s heterochromia (one eyes green one eyes lavender)?
Glad you enjoyed the snippet! I think Kyle sees the colors in the air, not that her eyes (or his) are actually changing colors…interesting twist on the idea you bring up though!
Intriguing!
Love the contrast between his long speech and her abrupt reply!
I agree. The contrast is fun and unexpected. Good job!
Why indeed? Nice excerpt.
great snippet! I love the way you especially describe the leopard. I could see it so clearly!
Interesting characters and great descriptions. Looking forward to the next instalment.
She’s tough and seemingly immune to his speech. Hmm. Something’s afoot. Good eight.
Loved the snippet. I do wonder what she’s up to. Tweeted.
What an elegant speech on Kyle’s part and fun that it’s lost on Caitlyn–nice contrast!
She really knows how to hold her own when someone’s trying to give her a talking-to!
Uh-oh. He’s sizing her up pretty swiftly and she don’t like it one bit. Tense!
Very nice @8Sentence – really enjoyed it. Consider in the ending moving the last sentence to 2nd last and making the 2nd last sentence the fina.
Definitely want to read more after this snippet. Good job.
I really, really like this. Great way to describe her through someone another person’s eyes. And her response if fabulous.
Wow! Veronica. Your story just grabs me and drags me into their world. Your description of how he sees her magic is spot on I think. And yes even witches can be close minded. Wonderful characters and conflict
I’m still between stories. Turning a screen play into a story. But in the mean time
Join the conversation
http://sassyspeaks.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/last-words-writing-technique/
The obvious answer is that she’s there as a spy. But how loyal is he to the Witch-Queen?
She does have her own agenda…and of course you hit the nail on the head about Kyle and his loyalty – if any – to the Witch Queen.
I agree that the contrast between their behaviors really helps step this up. There could be a number of reasons why she’s really there — maybe more than one. I hope you continue this next week 🙂
Ooh, she’s a feisty little thing! Love this scene! Awesome dialogue! Can’t wait for more! 🙂
Intriguing 8 this week. Sweet set up. Will we know more next Sunday? Please?
Love the last line…everything he’s said has gone in one ear and come out the other.
That’s the question isn’t it… why is she there? I wonder if her anger was at being found out or that he wasn’t smart enough to figure it out.
Methinks the kitty-cat knows of what he speaks.
Meow!
This is on my TBR list. I love him… LOVE HIM!
I love the dynamic here—she risked her own agenda to help him and now he’s calling her out. I’m going to love reading the whole thing!
Very intriguing. I’m wonder why she’s upset with him. Great snippet.
I like your descriptions especially you description of pure. Intriguing snippet. 🙂
She has a bit of a chip on her shoulder? I like him so far:)
He speaks very eloquently, and she shuts him down. A bit too defensive, perhaps? Or does she not like having her praises sung? Interesting characters here. Not what you would expect. I really like being surprised. Great 8!
I do like him. Plus, he’s asking all the right questions. Great 8, Veronica.
Both lyrical and intense! Really enjoyed it.
Evocative, lyrical prose. Good stuff!
I like how he so eloquently sizes her up, and she could care less what he thinks. Great snippet!
Terrific story. I like her reaction to him. His suspicions about her may be correct, but her apparent motives are keeping her from revealing anything to him for now and that drives the plot at this point.
Thanks to everyone for stopping by and commenting! I’m glad I decided to get this story out and give it some air time on the Weekend Writing Warriors. I’ll do a few more excerpts from it…seems as if I *must* finish it up and do something with it now LOL. I’ll put Kyle and Caitlyn back into my queue of WIPs, I promise. I had a whole series of stories in mind to set on this world…
Nice. This snippet sounds like it’s part of a really interesting story.
She doesn’t like to be lectured at. I totally get her. Love peek into the story, and their dynamic. Fantastic.
Oh, I really like the premise to this story and I enjoyed the snippet. He seems to read her well and she doesn’t like it one bit.
Funny, I had the same question she did, lol. You might want to break up his paragraph with an action that shows his curiosity as well as his words. But I really like that he sees more than she wants him to. Good snippet, Veronica. 🙂